Waiting to be ready to tackle that ONE BIG LIFE GOAL?
Well, stop it! Stop that now!
There is little point in waiting to be ready to reach that ‘one big life goal’.
Whether you think you need to be in a better place, be more successful, financially free or wait till retirement, there never is a better time to get started than now. It’s the very aspect of starting something, anything, no matter how big or small, that is most likely to help you get there, even if ‘there’ seems a million miles away.
I very nearly didn’t write the book that I’m now half way through (yes – HALF WAY THROUGH! I KNOW!). Earlier this year I didn’t think my life was ‘sorted enough’ to qualify as the author of it and my confidence crashed.
But there will always be bumps in the road in whatever new project you take on. So throw yourself into the deep end. Be prepared to fail, fuck up or for it to just not be very good. It’s important to eradicate all the reasons (aka fears) that might keep you frozen on the starting block.
The fact I am writing this, now, with my own uncertainties and fears and ego battles; it does not mean I am unqualified to educate people about changing their lives for the better. There’s no shame in working from the ground up. I know that the life I am living now, is not it. It’s not forever. This is just the beginning of Andrea mark 3.
And it might just be, that once you’ve smashed that goal, you find a new, more challenging mountain to climb, opening you up to a world of greater more insightful paradigms beyond your current ability to imagine.
Look I don’t think i’m saying anything new here.
I’m sure this is obvious to many of you.
But if this type of thinking is new, then hear me out.
You are constantly evolving.
You are likely not still the same person you were when you were 18. Perhaps now, not even the same person you were when you turned 30 (if you have that is). Sure, many facets of our character stay the same (i’ll always be persistent, and perhaps with it a little annoying) but the way we view the world and most certainly the way we view, and review, ourselves changes. If it isn’t the case, then maybe you are slap bang in the middle of questioning is this it? This, being of course, that little thing called life.
Let’s take a look at the phases we might go through at the stages we’re currently at in our lives. I’m talking to anyone age 21-45 I think at this present moment in time:
Version 1 – Pre self-awareness
Before I was 25 I was existing. I went out into the world and did whatever I wanted with marginal consideration for the consequences. I didn’t understand why I did what I did, in fact I don’t think I even questioned it. I had a feisty attitude. A chip on my shoulder perhaps. I could be overly forthright (especially after a few glasses of wine) but I was generally a bubbly, fun person who cared about people. A little wild at heart but contemplative and kind. Not so kind to myself mind you. I often turned to wine in times of trouble. A little too much, if you catch ma drift.
I think it’s unlikely you are still in this phase if you’re reading this post by definition of the fact this is a post about personal development; but stranger things have happened. If you are, then congratulate yourself because with knowledge comes self reflection and then comes greater self awareness.
Version 2 – Gaining Self Awareness
This is the version of you who started to recognise things about themselves. I looked at incidences that had happened in the past and the patterns of behaviour I was exemplifying, to see what I could learn from. I still very much lived my life on a trial and error basis, I’m pleased to say with many errors and henceforth great learnings. I loved and lost, and loved and lost again and again (a version of love capped by what I was capable of at that time.)
Graduation from version 2 took perhaps 10-12 years. There were also many trials.
Version 3 – The Authentic You
This Andrea is the version of me I am cultivating now, at least trying to, to the best of my ability. I’m a much calmer person. I enjoy quiet nights in and am very comfortable with long periods of solitude. Although I still love house music and dislike food stuck in the sink plughole. Some things will never change.
I have a vision for myself of the person I want to be, a more rational calmer person with a better self esteem. Occasionally I slip back into version 2 and when it takes its grip I can feel quite child-like for a few freakin’ vulnerable moments. But the majority of the time I am fairly settled and basking in the glow of my own new groove. I am okay (for now) being an independent woman with no dependents other than plants. Many of which die but sshh don’t tell mother nature!
As a result of being this new more authentic version of myself, I am also dating myself! And who better to date, frankly. I’m awesome.
This fond new term has been adopted by single women following an indulgence of self-help books in response to an overdose of romantic literature coupled with a stark realisation that Mr Darcy is… (eek. it’s still painful to say) fiction.
Dating ‘oneself’, means you direct all your beautiful love, focus and attention to big fat you instead of at a significant other (often waiting for it to come back…..). One doesn’t date oneself forever, not least ’til you have a more improved, healthier relationship with yourself. That’s the idea. It basically means I order take out and get double portions. Or I go to the cinema, pay for myself, and buy my own popcorn. It gets complicated when you try to spoon. Jokes aside, it’s actually a very empowering thing to be doing if you’ve had unhealthy relationships, a low self esteem or taken part in self sabotaging behaviours. It helps if you remove the cynicism from your initial reaction to it 🙂
How many versions of us will there be?
It’s perhaps fair to say we will have several versions of ourselves throughout our lifetimes and the more work we do on ourselves the more phases we will have. I don’t know if this growth is exponential (yet), but I’d like to think the more we evolve the wiser, more brave and brazen we become and thus the bigger we get, in all facets of our lives.
During this process we shed our skins and re-emerge each time a slightly fresher, more healed, somewhat better version of ourselves.
Personal development is a rebirth process; you have to dig deep into your soul and explore the part yourself that hasn’t been exposed to the light. It’s painful, but when we face up to it we can start the awkward process of healing, which in turn allows us to stop procrastinating from the stilted generation of our pain.
So why wait until you’re ready to start that big scary hairy new goal? You might find you’ve been batting a little below your weight…. and that there is an even bigger more fabulous goal calling to you upon the horizon.
This post was inspired by the many incredible and amazing women in my life aged 24-70 who have faced many different adversities or hardships and never let any of them stop them from being courageous, go-getting and adventurous.