Rejection: Powerful Motivation For Change

I was walking down the street last night on my way home, and I was contemplating everything i’ve achieved in the last year.

It’s pretty mind-blowing.

If I was to reflect on the journey i’ve been on this last few years even – would any of it have happened if I had had the one thing I thought I always wanted? (p.s. that’s a relationship, in case you didn’t pick up on it!)

Anyone’s journey to finding love should start with the self. If you don’t like yourself how can you expect anyone else to? Equally, if you are your own worst enemy, negative voices dominant and self limiting beliefs ruling your choices, then you have to ask yourself: are you fulfilling your greatest potential?

And the answer might quite likely be: unlikely. At the very least, it was for me.

Rejection, from the person I genuinely believe I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and it was pretty unorthodox rejection too – a good old fashioned silent treatment – well, it has pushed me beyond the boundaries of what I thought was possible.

If we play the game of Sliding Doors, and at some point in the last 8 years I’d have found myself getting into a long term relationship with this seemingly incredible guy. But here’s the kicker – would I have achieved all these incredible things that i’m privileged to have experienced? Would I have travelled the world? Would I have started my own business? Would I have been so unhappy that I strived to better myself, and soul-search, read, watched, participated and pushed myself into situations that have contributed to who I am now? Possibly. Maybe.

But I think it’s fair to say it’s highly likely the outcome would have been ever so slightly different.

And i’m quite happy with the way it’s turned out.

Look, rejection sucks – there’s no other way to describe it. Loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way back is incredibly painful – and confusing – especially when they say they feel the same way back, and there is a look in their eyes that says you can confidently believe every word they’re saying. But actions make the world go round. Words, as pretty and poetic as they are, simply represent unfulfilled potential. At least, in my case they did.

If you’ve had your heart broken you’ll be here on the high speed train with me when I say it can sometimes feels like it might overwhelm you. The best advice I could give would be to turn it around, turn it into something powerful.

Strive to be the best person you can be, and find peace with the fact that not everyone will be in your life forever. What’s their purpose? Why did they come into your life? What did you learn or receive from them whilst it was good and lasted?

Then explore why they left your life? What was the reason for that? If you can’t find one, try to make peace with this, somehow.

Sometimes relationships hold you back. That’s certainly something soothing for me to think about.

They do distract you from your core mission in life, especially if you haven’t figured out what it is yet.

I believe, when you are on the right path and you are fulfilling your potential you’ll cross paths with someone who is also at that same juncture. It doesn’t mean they’ll be in your life forever either by the way (sorry!), but it means you’ll have a more nurturing experience – as emotionally you’re more likely in the same place. And you’ll be stronger. Less dependent on it filling a void.

Meet someone prior to that stage in your life, and if you find it creates a tension and throws up millions of reasons why it wouldn’t work, then have a little think about whether this person has come into your life for another reason other than an A-typical relationship. Maybe the guy I wanted to be with, could see that. And had the strength to avoid getting into something that could become hard to get out of. But equally, the weakness to not resist temptation and indulge in the idea of “a him and me” from time to time.