The massage that makes you cry

I just had a two and a half hour long massage, so painful I nearly starting chewing my own hand.

Delivered by ‘The Master’ I thought I was entering into an hour long ultimate relaxation session – ready to send me into a blissful sleep.

Instead, it felt like I was being tortured, and that the end would only come when I broke and revealed the location.

That’ll be 2,000baht please.

Just to put that into perspective, the high street massages round here (I’m in Chiang Mai) are 200baht for an hour. Noi, the manager of Rama Guest House where I’m staying insists that The Master is one of only two specialists in this area that she would ever entrust onto her customers. He was trained in Nepal, using a technique called Theraputic massage, ridding the body of congested negative energy.

She said when she had her first massage from him, she cried for three days after. Now three years later, she says at age 46 she hasn’t needed to go to the doctor once, that she never gets sick and her spine is straighter than its ever been.

All I could think about during the ‘session’ was that I was going to need to be held after. By anyone. That guy offering ‘free hugs’ at the Sunday night market last night would do. I would literally pay someone to do it I felt so freaking vulnerable. I hovered around my new Dutch friend’s room afterwards, grateful for the company.


The pain was intense. And relentless. And never ending. I tried meditating my through the repeated elbows into the tender spots in my hips, the intrusive pressure applied to my groin, and the deep ‘half hour long super rub down’ that my intestines experienced via an enthusiastic application around the belly.  Didn’t work. I tried laughing whilst I involuntarily squirmed and wriggled around so he would get the hint that it was too much to cope with. I tried ignoring his comments to his colleague in Thai, that resulted in them both breaking out in fits of giggles.

Didn’t work.

I hadn’t agreed the price in advance, school girl error – and so in an awkward conversation I informed him and Noi that 2,000baht was too much. She insisted she had been clear about the price earlier today. So I said I was willing pay 1,000 since I trust and respect his skills and experience. Noi said for 2,000 he’ll come back tomorrow to finish me off – I needed a lot of work he had told her, and she insisted it was very important.

I politely declined, despite her telling me I might feel shit for a few days if I don’t get him to rid the final bits of negative energy.

But my high from yesterday has passed now anyway, and I could in theory cry for the next few days regardless.

So I think i’ll take my chances, and snuggle up to my thin sheet on my hard mattress in my overpriced room.