Ko Jum: Monkey attack

Firstly I just want to say this.

Monkeys look cute in the pictures.

Heck, they even look cute in the zoo. Or hanging out in the trees, or on the side of the road, innocently swinging from tree to tree.

It’s almost like I’d forgotten for a moment that time in Langkawi when a monkey came out of nowhere and bit my nose.

This morning, between the hours of 6m and 7.15am (that’s 1 hour and 15 minutes folks. Put yourself there, just for a moment) I experienced absolute monkeygeddon when the roof of my tree house bungalow was used as an instrument for their drumming. Or mating. Or playing. Or fighting. In fact, I’m sure it was quite possibly, all of the above.

And it was LOUD.

Everywhere I turned, the pitter patter of surprisingly heavy clunky feet invaded my senses. Running, scratching, banging, throwing themselves at my walls, roof, themselves and anything else that got in the way. Looking around my bungalow feverishly I could see the light slowly starting to creep in as dawn broke, and given that I arrived in the dark, this was the first time I could see all the wide open spaces and holes in my floor and walls. Little cheeky faces peered in and sniffed at something curiously. 

Like a seasoned traveller, I reached for tablet and googled ‘how to survive a monkey attack’.

Then when I started to panic that I might be trapped in there forever, I got out my phone and called the owner of the bungalows to seek help.

But I couldn’t get through.

Like a true ‘survivor’ I did the only thing I could think of.

I, er, switched on my fan.

According to google, making noise will scare them away. And it was a choice of digging out my speaker and finding some Drum & Bass to play loudly (and risk waking up every other resident) or my wonderfully noisy fan.

And it worked!

So the lesson here folks, should you ever find yourself reading the reviews on Trip Advisor and someone says politely ‘there were a lot of monkeys there’ then be prepared for a lively experience. I’m sure they’re relatively harmless, unless you threaten them. But dont expect to sleep during monkey time.

Apparently those same monkeys raided the resort’s kitchen last night. They ripped open the wooden walls and stole loaves of bread.

Right, gotta go as my friend Chris is about to arrive at the resort next door.